The subject of this post says it all! God has been working in my life in the last couple of days and I am so excited that I want to share with you!
This past week has been a good but long week! DTS opening was on Sunday night and this week has been orientation week and getting to know one another. Bob and myself are really enjoying this school...there is so much diversity that it is just so awesome! Also as a team of 5 staff - everyone has stepped up to the plate and it's awesome!
Although this week has been good with the students and all...for me, I was challenged and actually kept myself quite a bit hidden! As most of you know, I love people to pay attention to me, I want to find my identity in people. (I know that is wrong - but bare with me...) On my DTS - during Plumbline week, God really spoke to me about this area in my life. How I need to stop thinking what man thinks of me and start focusing on what God thinks of me! So often I feel that sometimes I just want people to love and accept me that I am wiling to do almost anything for their attention! The speaker that did our Plumbline said that I am what some people call a "complaint christian", I just do and do and do, so I can get people to notice me and give me praise! BTW - he was spot on! On our DTS I did deal with this and I broke down the walls that I had built up of rejection in these areas! It was a freeing time and I am so thankful for it.
So...anyway, this past week I have felt a little bit like these walls of rejection are coming back! That people don't really want to be around me - or that I want to do anything for people, so I can get their approval. I don't know when it started again, I know that the September DTS while it was great, I think that is when my walls started getting built up again! Then this past week with this school - it just kept rising! (not good!) Finally on Wednesday night it all came to a head!!! I was sitting with my friend Tony (he is staying with us for a couple of days) and we were discussing life and all of the sudden, everything poured out! Poor guy - LOL! But he was really good about it and really just listened to me. He gave me lots of good advice, but truth me told I was too busy thinking about poor me. So, needless to say, his advice went on deaf ears.
Thursday night the two of us got talking about this subject again...(Bob had gone to the airport to pick someone up) and although this time I was still feeling the same way I had the night before, I really opened my ears this time. To actually listen to not just what Tony was saying, but what was God speaking to me, through Tony! Needless to say I went to bed on Thursday night, just crying out to God...why, why me? I so desperately want to not seek mans aprroval, just seek Gods...but why, why do I? Well - I'm here to tell you God challenged me while I was sleeping! I have never experienced anything like it! When I woke up on Friday morning I knew what I must do!!
Friday morning: I got up early, did my devotions and decided right then and there that before God I was going to spend the day fasting and praying! Praying about knocking down these walls that I have put up before they get any bigger...right now I felt that they were started to creap up a little too fast for my liking and if I let them continue pretty soon I would be totally surrounded by bricks! I had to stop them head on!! I decided the best way to do that would be just to fast and seek God's face! Let me tell you...I had an awesome Friday! While Bob and I walked to the base I just shared with him why I was fasting and that I wanted his help, support and prayers - to really help me break this wall! Wow..it was so awesome, he prayed with me and it was just awesome...that's the only word to describe it! God has blessed me with such a wonderful husband! I also prayed and asked God to help me break down these walls. I also took responsiblity for my part in building them up again! Then we had base worship and all durring worship, I was just on my knees, praying and crying out to God! I knew that He loved me and I could feel Him getting so much closer to me.
The rest of my day was so awesome! I even went to the gym (I joined Curves the other day) and all during the day, I could just feel God all around me - all I could do was praise Him. I found my identity again, it's in Him..not me and not anyone else! It's all found in Jesus! Then in the evening, some of the students were going into town for ice cream and even though I was fasting and no one invited me...I took the first step and just went! It was so nice just to go and not worry about if they really wanted me there or not. Then it was also cool because when we got to the ice cream shop, it was such for me an awesome feeling to say no to the ice cream because I was dealing with stuff with God! I was so proud of myself being able to have self control and really fast. So many times I have tried to fast, but I end up just giving in because my stomach starts to hurt or something...but I think God gave me super strength yesterday as I wasn't really that hungry all day!! I drank lots of water and that with God's help I was able to fast the whole day. I really think I understand more about fasting now, and truth be told - I might even do it again someday!
Yesterday evening, I told Bob and Tony about how God is changing me and asked them both to hold me accountable...needless to say they were both thrilled and agreed to help me. I am so blessed! Now that these walls are coming down, I want to keep them down for good!!!
I hope this post is an encouragement to you! To remember every day to seek God's approval, we need to stop looking at getting someone else's approval but remember in the end, the only thing that will matter is how God sees us. He is the one person we can't hide anything from. I have been so blessed by God this week and I am just so excited! I can't wait to learn more and to seek His face more!
This past week has been a good but long week! DTS opening was on Sunday night and this week has been orientation week and getting to know one another. Bob and myself are really enjoying this school...there is so much diversity that it is just so awesome! Also as a team of 5 staff - everyone has stepped up to the plate and it's awesome!
Although this week has been good with the students and all...for me, I was challenged and actually kept myself quite a bit hidden! As most of you know, I love people to pay attention to me, I want to find my identity in people. (I know that is wrong - but bare with me...) On my DTS - during Plumbline week, God really spoke to me about this area in my life. How I need to stop thinking what man thinks of me and start focusing on what God thinks of me! So often I feel that sometimes I just want people to love and accept me that I am wiling to do almost anything for their attention! The speaker that did our Plumbline said that I am what some people call a "complaint christian", I just do and do and do, so I can get people to notice me and give me praise! BTW - he was spot on! On our DTS I did deal with this and I broke down the walls that I had built up of rejection in these areas! It was a freeing time and I am so thankful for it.
So...anyway, this past week I have felt a little bit like these walls of rejection are coming back! That people don't really want to be around me - or that I want to do anything for people, so I can get their approval. I don't know when it started again, I know that the September DTS while it was great, I think that is when my walls started getting built up again! Then this past week with this school - it just kept rising! (not good!) Finally on Wednesday night it all came to a head!!! I was sitting with my friend Tony (he is staying with us for a couple of days) and we were discussing life and all of the sudden, everything poured out! Poor guy - LOL! But he was really good about it and really just listened to me. He gave me lots of good advice, but truth me told I was too busy thinking about poor me. So, needless to say, his advice went on deaf ears.
Thursday night the two of us got talking about this subject again...(Bob had gone to the airport to pick someone up) and although this time I was still feeling the same way I had the night before, I really opened my ears this time. To actually listen to not just what Tony was saying, but what was God speaking to me, through Tony! Needless to say I went to bed on Thursday night, just crying out to God...why, why me? I so desperately want to not seek mans aprroval, just seek Gods...but why, why do I? Well - I'm here to tell you God challenged me while I was sleeping! I have never experienced anything like it! When I woke up on Friday morning I knew what I must do!!
Friday morning: I got up early, did my devotions and decided right then and there that before God I was going to spend the day fasting and praying! Praying about knocking down these walls that I have put up before they get any bigger...right now I felt that they were started to creap up a little too fast for my liking and if I let them continue pretty soon I would be totally surrounded by bricks! I had to stop them head on!! I decided the best way to do that would be just to fast and seek God's face! Let me tell you...I had an awesome Friday! While Bob and I walked to the base I just shared with him why I was fasting and that I wanted his help, support and prayers - to really help me break this wall! Wow..it was so awesome, he prayed with me and it was just awesome...that's the only word to describe it! God has blessed me with such a wonderful husband! I also prayed and asked God to help me break down these walls. I also took responsiblity for my part in building them up again! Then we had base worship and all durring worship, I was just on my knees, praying and crying out to God! I knew that He loved me and I could feel Him getting so much closer to me.
The rest of my day was so awesome! I even went to the gym (I joined Curves the other day) and all during the day, I could just feel God all around me - all I could do was praise Him. I found my identity again, it's in Him..not me and not anyone else! It's all found in Jesus! Then in the evening, some of the students were going into town for ice cream and even though I was fasting and no one invited me...I took the first step and just went! It was so nice just to go and not worry about if they really wanted me there or not. Then it was also cool because when we got to the ice cream shop, it was such for me an awesome feeling to say no to the ice cream because I was dealing with stuff with God! I was so proud of myself being able to have self control and really fast. So many times I have tried to fast, but I end up just giving in because my stomach starts to hurt or something...but I think God gave me super strength yesterday as I wasn't really that hungry all day!! I drank lots of water and that with God's help I was able to fast the whole day. I really think I understand more about fasting now, and truth be told - I might even do it again someday!
Yesterday evening, I told Bob and Tony about how God is changing me and asked them both to hold me accountable...needless to say they were both thrilled and agreed to help me. I am so blessed! Now that these walls are coming down, I want to keep them down for good!!!
I hope this post is an encouragement to you! To remember every day to seek God's approval, we need to stop looking at getting someone else's approval but remember in the end, the only thing that will matter is how God sees us. He is the one person we can't hide anything from. I have been so blessed by God this week and I am just so excited! I can't wait to learn more and to seek His face more!
One more thing: something funny....on facebook there is an application called "Flair" and my half sister Jeanne sent me one just yesterday and I think it is so fitting that I am going to end this post with it. It says:
"Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning,
the devil says "oh crap, she's up!"
4 comments:
It's always a joy to read of your spiritual growth, babe. I'm excited for you - God is so good. This is an issue I've struggled with over and over as well - to be able to see ourselves as He sees us...it's not always easy...
I love you!!
Mum
Kristy I love reading your blog. It is so encouraging to see the things God is doing in your life. Keep it up and be strong. You are such a amazing woman of God and I know He has so many plans for you. Love you!
Sarah
Hi Babe.Love to read your blog and am so proud of you.I wish I could put stuff in print like you do. I think I used to but don't know what has happened to me in the last year. I need to sit down and take a long hard look at myself every now and then and a lot of time I am not happy with what I see. sigh. I love you so much and miss you. Glad to see that you are keeping you eyes on God.
Love you babe.
Dad
Yay Kristy! Just reading this now...but since I already got the story on MSN... So very proud of you. I pray that it is still sticking! And IF you start to slide back into the pattern again, I pray that you will hear our good Lord calling to you right away so you don't have to go through it again! Love you lots!
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