I wasn't going to share this with anyone, but I decided I am going to be open and honest...after all - I believe the people that read my blog (you!) are close family and friends, and so, if I can't be honest with you...who can I be?
For the last week or so...I have been just feeling down, depressed and upset! Not really sure what has been wrong! I felt so empty and so hungry for more of God and yet, couldn't figure out a way to make myself full! I cried and cried on two occasions on the base, and still nothing! I even spoke to my Mum and one of my friends back home about it last week and both gave me lots of encouragement. Tuesday during base accountability group, I was able to share a little bit with some people and started to feel a little bit better, but still not great! This week has been one of the hardest for me, I have felt far away from God and far away from everything that I know! I was glad it was a slow week in BCC - although I think a busy week might have been better cause then my mind would be elsewhere!
Last night (Sunday) I was able again to talk to Mum about it...and started to feel again a little better, but still felt not sure, it's really hard to explain how I was feeling! It was unlike anything I have ever felt before. Then this afternoon, I was talking to one of my friends on Facebook chat...and was trying to explain to him how I was feeling! And I couldn't believe it...he said something to me that was so simple, I wondered why I hadn't thought of it before now.
He said to me, "what are you expecting...tingles all over" then he said to me (and this is what hit me the most!) "God never changes, He is always there for us"
Then the truth hit me!!!!
God never changes! It's me that has changed....I need to change myself, God can't change my heart - I have to take responsibility and do the changing on my own!! God is so awesome that even though I couldn't feel Him last week, He was there with me. And so I sit here wondering...why do we make life so complicated when God makes life so simple! Why is it when I felt so far away from God - and the truth is, it wasn't Him that was gone away....it was me!!!
I have decided...I chose to put my focus back on God and off myself. I know that God never changes and so it's up to me, to change my personality. Even though He feels so far away, the truth is, He is right beside me - where He has always been and always will be!! I just need to change my attitude....
So - tonight - I know that God is beside me and my heart is slowing become more full of Him and less of myself!
3 comments:
Good for you, KB. God can change our heart and He does but, this time, you have chosen to take your focus off yourself and glorify and turn your eyes to Him. We don't always need to feel His presence but it is such a blessing when He allows us to... What a glorious privilege.
Love you!!
Mum
Hi Babe.
Glad to read your blog as always. I think we all think that God seems to be far away some times but like you say he is always there, but we feel that He is not there. I just thank God that he sends people that will give us that encouraging word that makes us really think about what is happening and gets us back on track.I get down quite often but God has given me family and friends that sort of give me a kick in the pants and makes me get my focus on God instead of myself. Many times we don't take to time to tell people we love them or that God loves them. For me it is Mum, you,Tanya,Mandy, Bruce,Ron or Keith that seem to be there with a well timed word of encouragement that just gets my focus in the right direction. I love sweetie and I thank God for you everyday. I am so proud of you. Thanks for sharing. Love ya Babe.
Dad
Thanks for sharing Kristy!! Yeah God is really amazing cause He gives us sooo many bothers and sisters around us, so that we can share with each other and encourage as well!!
David
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